Wednesday, March 31, 2010

An Observation of My Behavior in Relation to Other Humans

I am a chameleon or a least this must be close to what it feels like to be one. But do I really have to blend into my environment? Is it essential for my basic survival? No. My kid’s generation calls it being a “poser”. I think mine may use the word “hypocrite”.

So why do I change how I present myself from one place to the next? All of these personas are a part of who I am. I show one part to one set of individuals and I let someone else see another facet. Why? I firmly believe that it is because the people around me are as imperfect as I am. I do not think that they would know what to do with me if I truly “let my hair down” and invited them into the innermost regions of my mind. If they truly knew what I was thinking they would be amazed or possibly horrified. I can be pretty unconventional while at times I am very traditional.

My church acquaintances do it too. I have caught many of them in the act. My work colleagues do it because they have to protect their livelihood. You can’t show your employer who you really are. I even change from one group of friends to another depending on the personality of the group. Why? I truly believe it is because we are all so imperfect that we can not trust others with who we are. Unconditional acceptance is an impossible task for us mere mortals.

I also challenge those individuals who say “I am who I am. I am the same to all I encounter.” I have also caught you in the act of being a chameleon as well.

Any time I have tried to talk to someone, anyone about this sort of thing I get similar reactions. No one wants to admit these types of thoughts are common to all of us. We are all afraid at some level to let people in. We find it necessary to create boundaries of acceptable intimacy with various groups. We have to protect our privacy. I find it all very tiring. I truly would love to find someone / anyone who I can just be me with.

While all this sounds a bit depressing when reading back over it, I am not a depressed person. I just wanna be me…..and so I circle back to my original observations.